It is with absolute emptiness that I’m going on this interview. My stomach is fat and constipated, I feel horribly ugly and look middle aged because of my weight.
I feel like such a failure, with all of this beautiful stuff around me and I can’t even commit to a diet plan. It feels like I want to slash a blade across my arms to take out my frustrations. (but I’m worried about the scars, which will definately be visible in my scrubs).
SIG E CAPS for all of you medically minded people out there…
- Can’t sleep.
- Don’t really care about anything that used to make me happy.
- Feel worthless, crappy, totally not worth my air and definately not worth my weight.
- Don’t feel like moving.
- Head feels fuzzy and…loud.
- Eat too much, but don’t really care about food.
- Cry all the time, inside or outwards.
- I’d say passive suicidal ideation, as I often think that if I drive my car off a cliff, then perhaps this will all be over.
Sigh. I’ve known I was insane for awhile, but it was never this apparent. And this is a shit way to be having to go to an interview.
I’m almost defeated. Just let me be.
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